The Secret to Healthy Conflict Navigation and Resolution
Conflict can be uncomfortable, but thankfully God gave us the key to navigating it healthily when His Word says,
“Speaking truth in love, we are supposed to grow up into Christ in every way.”
—Ephesians 4:15
The key to healthy conflict resolution is communicating in both TRUTH and LOVE. Both components are crucial. If you communicate the truth without love, your words might come off as abrasive and damage the relationship. But if you communicate lovingly while skirting around the truth, the core issue might never be addressed.
Why Truth?
Inspires Growth. Giving someone truthful feedback can help that person grow! Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and we often can’t see our own weaknesses. We need people in our lives who have different perspectives than we do so they can help us see our blindspots. If I am doing something that is harming the people around me, then I want someone to tell me so that I can become aware of it and make a change.
Prevents Resentment. If you have an issue with someone but never confront them about it honestly, then you might find yourself feeling resentful and bitter toward them. That would only end up damaging the relationship over the long-term. Truthfully expressing your perspective can take the weight off your chest and end resentment.
Invites Problem-Solving. If you want to solve a relational issue, it needs to be identified first. Open and honest communication about the problem will be crucial for reaching a compromise or solution. Sweeping the issue under the rug might be easier in the short-run, but it doesn’t solve the problem.
Builds Trust. Sometimes people are scared to confront someone with the truth because they don’t want to offend the other person. But speaking honestly actually builds trust with them over the long-term. When you are consistently honest, people will find security and comfort in knowing that they can trust you. Having that trust will make conflict resolution easier in the future.
Why Love
Fosters Connection. Confronting someone in love means prioritizing them as a person over their behaviors. You should show them that you value the relationship, and that you’re on their team. Tackle the problem as if you are sitting next to the other person—not across from them. One of your goals in confronting the other person should be to deepen your relationship with them.
Builds Them Up. Confronting someone can leave them feeling discouraged if done improperly. But if you do it lovingly, that person should walk away from the conversation feeling encouraged and inspired. Your goal in confronting them should be to help them become a better person—not to lash out at them for how they’ve wronged you.
Increases Receptiveness. When you confront someone gently out of love, they will be more receptive to hearing what you have to say. But if you confront them out of anger or retaliation, they will be less receptive.
Example
It’s easier said than done, but here’s an example for how you could confront someone in both truth and love:
“I know you are a man of character who respects others, but when you leave the toilet seat up, I feel disrespected. The reason why I’m bringing this up is because I value our relationship and don’t want any resentment to get in the way of that. The way you treat others is always so respectful, so I just wanted to tell you about this small habit I noticed that wasn’t in line with the rest of your true character.”