Book Summary: “How to Win Friends & Influence People” Notes & Quotes
Written by by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends & Influence People is broken up into various chapters, but they all kind of communicate the same key messages.
Here are my takeaways for helping you get people to like you, winning them over to your way of thinking, and inspiring change without offending people.
1. Be Pleasant
Don’t criticize or complain about people, because that will just be ineffective. Protecting your opponent’s reputation will make them more receptive.
Enjoy yourself, because everyone enjoys meeting with people who themselves have a good time.
Be friendly, because it will be more effective than the “how it is” approach.
Admit your own mistakes first, because that will make your opponent more receptive to your suggestions.
Use subtle persuasion instead of blatant commands, because that will arouse less opposition.
2. Show Some Appreciation
Begin with sincere praise & appreciation, because that will make your opponent more open to constructive feedback. It will be more effective than just reprimanding them.
Praise your opponent’s specific abilities, because that will make them proud to use them (like a dog trainer).
Acknowledge your opponent’s desire to help, because that will be more productive than straight conflict.
Credit your opponent, because that will make them more receptive to your input.
Treat your opponent like they’re a big deal, because that will win them over more effectively than just promoting your message. It’s better to be interested than interesting.
3. Cater to Your Opponent’s Desires
Understand your opponent’s motives and desires, because that reveals what they’ll be receptive to.
Find ways to appeal to your opponent’s interests, because that will make them more receptive.
Cater to your opponent’s desires, because that will be a more effective way to sell your message than just communicating it to them.
Center the conversation around your opponent, because that will make them want to listen for hours.
4. Solve the Problem Together
Side with your opponent, because that will calm them down when they’re angry—their issues are the only things they care about.
Validate your opponent’s perspective, because that will make them more receptive than disagreeing with them.
Incorporate your opponent’s ideas instead of trying to sell them your ideas, because that will make them more eager to buy in.
Make the issue seem easy to solve, because that will make it easy for the opponent to change
5. Phrase Your Message Carefully
Phrasing things in a way that gets your opponent to agree with you is how you get them on your side.
Phrase things in a way that exposes their character, because that will get them to make the noble choice.
Turn the problem into a competition, because that can produce better results than just paying them more
Ask for solutions & give suggestions, because that will be more effective than making demands. Suggesting changes for the future will be more effective than criticizing the past.
Pitch the solution as a new responsibility / opportunity, because that will make your opponent more eager to participate. (Men are ruled by toys)
Provide a demonstration instead of just using words, because that can be more effective.
Assign a good reputation to you opponent, because that compels them to live up to it.